20 - 25 of 25 - F'n Finally!

20. Once, I literally almost ran into Elvis Costello. I was late for a call back and was running across a crowded street, not really looking at who was coming at me. I looked up just in time to stop myself from crashing into a startled Mr. Costello. He was crossing with a woman friend, sort of protecting her from my hurling body and looking back on it, I'm betting it was (his now wife) Diana Krall. I'm a huge fan of his and only had the chance to yell out "sorry!" to him. I didn't get the job, which was, ironically to be a VH1 host.

21. My first professional commercial was for Quincy's steak house. My "date" and I went through about 7 or 8 steaks that we spit out between takes. Turns out she was a vegetarian. I had the taste of steak in my mouth for a good 5 days after that.

22. I still ride a bicycle and have since I was about 6 (now it's mainly part of my commute). I used to live in a very rural area of NC (now it's all urban sprawl) and people would dump their unwanted junk in ditches or back in the woods throughout my neighborhood. My brother and I would ride our bikes around and find all sorts of cool stuff like old busted amplifiers or model airplanes, toy Millennium Falcons. We'd fix them and play with them. Disgusting but true.

23. Unfortunately, I'm a primper. I spend loads of time in the bathroom primping. Don't know why, but I do, and my wife hates it. But once I'm done, that's it, no more until the next morning.

24. Although I call myself an actor, I really dislike seeing plays, especially musicals. I love doing them, but not watching them. I feel the same way about sports and comedy. MOVIES however, are a completely different story.

25. And finally, hold on to your hats... I farted during a show that was performed in a "theater in the round" setting. I was there to see a one-act that a friend had directed. Unfortunately I was there with my best friend and his girlfriend, two of the funniest people on the planet (to me at least). My friend's play finished up and it was on to the next one. This one, however decided to be an experimental production done in Kabuki makeup and broad gestures. I can't remember what the play was about, maybe something about a group of friends looking for an apartment in NYC or something. It starts out with this very large gentleman walking onstage in black tights and Kabuki makeup. He walks across the stage and sits on what has to be the smallest stool-seat to ass ratio known to man and begins to play a tiny wooden xylophone. My best friend leans over and whispers in an announcery voice, "it's Paul Shaffer!" That started contained giggles, but those quickly became more difficult to control due to the other actors' broad gestures. It was at this point I lost all control. [mwearnt] ...and the rest of our section launches into chuckles at my gas. For the next 20 minutes the actors onstage directed all their monologues at me and my friends. As soon as the blackout happened we all bolted for the exit but one of my friends wasn't fast enough. He got snagged by the actors and they blamed him for all the noise. I feel really bad about screwing up their show, but man, what a fun time - worth the price of admission.

13-19 of 25

13. I followed a friend's lead and licked a Monet painting at MOMA.

14. I was the mascot for high school (an Eagle) & a radio station WSOC (a bear).

15. I castrated a calf with my dad once on our farm in NC.

16. I have double jointed elbows.

17. I can make a clover leaf shape with my tongue.

18. I helped steal a painting in college, drove it to Washington, D.C., photographed it and returned it over the course (I think) 2 days.

19. I am a universal blood donor and give whenever I can.

8-12 of 25

8. I got scammed by two guys on a beautiful day in NYC. They managed to distract me enough to get about $60 from me. I later read about how this particular scam snared a lot more folks as well. I blame the weather.

9. I believe Bigfoot and extra-terrestrial life is extremely possible, but I'm not holding my breath. Note to self: see #8 above

10. The first time I was ever in a major motion picture (Two If By Sea), I had the FIRST line, in the FIRST scene, being shot on the FIRST day of filming of the ENTIRE project. I had to deliver that line to Yaphet Kotto. I was a little nervous. On a side note, the Director of Photography for that film was Andrew Lesnie. He later went on to be the D.P. For Peter Jackson and the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, winning an Oscar. So he's doin' WAY better than me right now.

11. I almost died in Mexico. Somewhere down the line, I drank the water accidentally. I got so dehydrated I got up to go to the bathroom and couldn't lift my hand to grab the door knob, so I kept bumping into the door, not understanding why it wouldn't open. A little later I woke up lying in a booth in the restaurant. They were kind enough to take me to the hospital. I don't want to give away the ending, but I lived.

12. When I was a teenager, I made my own guitar out of wood scraps. I would pretend to be in a rock band upstairs in my room and air play to all sorts of music. One time, when no one else was home, I was rockin' out and decided to go downstairs to refuel my rock engine with some rockin' Pepsi and tripped over the extra long neck of my homemade guitar falling down a flight of about 24 stairs. Had I died that day, they would have found my body crumpled in a heap at the bottom of the stairs, clutching my poorly made guitar, dressed as David Lee Roth from his Diver Down days. No one but my dog (and now you) has ever known about that.

5-7 of 25

5. I didn't drink until I turned 21. Literally, in college, my roommates took me out on my 21st birthday and proceeded to get me plastered. St the time I hated beer, but was open to wine coolers. Now I think beer's great and wine coolers are a gateway drug the tobacco companies use to get kids to watch Mr. T.

6. In junior high I used to spend hours air-drumming to The Police. To this day, I still have an intimate knowledge of every noise on Zentatta Mondatta.

7. I've never seen one single episode of "24" or "Desperate Housewives", and I don't really like to watch any sports. Except maybe hockey.

4 of 25

4. When I turned 13 my dad gave me a 12 gauge shotgun for my birthday. I fired it once at a pie plate about 25 feet away and missed it entirely. Never shot it again. I'm not against firearms or hunting (just be responsible-but really, who needs an automatic weapon to go deer hunting?), it's just that firing that shotgun felt like getting punched in the face while someone pops your ears. I'm guessing I don't need that.

Now that I think about it, guns and blowing up stuff are still pretty cool... so long as nobody gets hurt.

3 of 25

3. I was in a band called "Big Valerie" that played only two shows. I played rhythm guitar and vocals, neither of which I was/am any good at. We played at a now defunct bar called Spiral on the Lower East Side. The big hits were "Spank Me" and a Country Western version of Queen's "Under Pressure."

I think the main reason I did the show was a chance to dress ridiculous and be on stage - my two weaknesses. We gave money and a tape to the sound guy to record it, but he forgot turn up the record levels. It either wasn't enough money or we just weren't loud enough.

2 of 25

Sorry folks, I was away on vacation but hope to be making the 25 Things go little quicker.

2. My first exposure to The Beatles was from my grandfather's record collection. After he died, I was allowed to go through it, picking whatever I wanted. Abbey Road was a random choice on my part. I liked the cover. I now view it as one of the best albums of all time.